4 hours and 10 minutes
by DalamarF16
Summary: No spoilers. pre season 1. The night Joe dies, Danny decides he does not want Jamie to know it from the news or by phone, so he takes his car and drives to Harvard. But will Jamie be the only one who needs consolation?
1. Chapter 1

**author note:** _Hi, everyone! I just discovered this show... and kind of fell in love. This is my first FF about Blue Bloods. This is unbetaed adn even if English is my first working language, it's not my mother tongue...so, if anyone is interested in becoming my beta, please let me know!_

_I don't know yet if this is going to be a stand alone chapter or a two/three chapter long story, maybe let me know? _

_Anyway, I have another FF in my mind, settled in BB, so, a beta will not find themself without job :D_

_Please, let me know what do you think about this!_

"44th- West. 10-13"

The radio called in, breaking the silence of reigning in the car. It was well past midnight, it was cold as hell in New York and neither Detective Reagan nor his partner were in the mood for chatting.

They were patrolling nearby Hell's Kitchen, trying to arrest Mitch Hearst, one of the numerous drug dealer, who they believed killed three 15 years olds kids with bad cutted heroine.

"Let's go"

His colleague, Matt, turned the sirens and flashing lights of their car.

Danny just nodded, closing his eyes and praying his brother Joe was not involved.

There were something like five squad of detectives around the small area of Hell's Kitchen, each one of them looking for Hearst, which were the odds his brother would be the one?

"Danny? You okay?"

"Yeah" He responded, barely listening to him.

"Gotta go now, kid. Mi shift starts in 10" Joe said in a strange, sad voice. He missed his little brother Jamie, and he didn't like when he had to interrupt their evening phone call, but work called, and tonight, among all nights, was important. They were close to get Mitch Hearst, and their dad counted on Danny and him, even if he would never say that out loud, of course.

"Already?" He smiled at Jamie's weak protest.

"I'm sorry, kid"

"I know… it's just… I miss you"

Hearing Jamie's almost pleading voice almost melted his heart.

"Miss you too, Kid, but,you are doing great right where you are, and I can't wait to be there for your graduation. You are gonna be a great lawyer, and Erin's gonna hate you in court"

"I don't want to stand for criminals" Jamie's voice hardened "You, and Danny, and dad risk your life everyday and I…"

"Kid, kid calm down… I was kidding. I was just kidding" Joe reassured his little brother, already regretting what he just said. Jamie was quite sensitive regarding his future, mostly because he knew he had chosen law school to follow their mother's desire. She was already hill when the kid started university, and they all knew her time was near, and she wanted to be sure that at least their youngest brother will be safe and far from the streets. If Joe should be completely honest with himself, he fully agreed with her, and he knew that, deep down, the rest of their family did too.

Jamie was… Jamie.

Even if he hated when they told him so, their little brother was the family's puppy. When mom and dad told Danny, Erin and him she was pregnant with Jamie, no one of them showed any sign of jealousy, which was, as Henry used to say, a real miracle, since before each new brother (and sister) had been quite a tragedy.

Each one of them had always taken care of that little brat, even if the bond Jamie and Joe shared was kind of unique. They were both brothers and best friends. Joe new their bond made Danny, and maybe also Erin, a little bit envious, but it wasn't something they chose to have. It just happened, maybe because they were close at age, despite they were six year apart, or it was just their personalities, or who knows.

So, yeah, everyone in the family was just more than happy when he announced he would attend the Columbia university and later, Harvard.

"I… just… I don't know Joe…" his brother seemed almost desperate, as if he had touched something into his brother's mind, something that was there even before and was tearing him apart, and Joe just felt terrible because, really? They talked at least twice a day and he never noticed anything?

"What is it, Jamie?"

"What if I made a mistake? What if I should have done the police academy?"

Joe reprimed a sigh.

Police call did not miss Jamie at all. For a long time, he had been torn regarding his future. Since he was a little kid, Jamie said he wanted to be a cop. Not a detective, no, that had always been crystal clear in Jamie's mind. He wanted to be a patrol cop, one of those who could make a real connection between the police and the citizens.

And Joe damn well knew how Jamie could be the right man for the job.

Let's clarify, Joe was also one hundred percent sure his little bro would ace also as a detective. He was smart, and had great intuition, even more than him and Danny, but Jamie was more than that. Jamie was sympathetic, too, in the right way. The way he and Danny missed totally, and that could really make the difference on patrol.

Still, he let their parents guide him into a different path, just to let him know he could choose also something else, just in case he thought his way was forced into the police department.

Jamie and Joe had talked a lot about this. It had also happened that Jamie came to the precinct during lunch time to talk with him without anyone else who could listen to them and express their opinion.

Joe never forced him in neither of the two options he kept. He just listened to him and tried to help him figure out which way was the best for his brother.

"Jamie, are you okay?"

"It's just… hitting me you know? The only way to not throw your work away is to work in the DA office, like Erin… In any other way, I will always be against you"

"Me?"

"You, Danny, Dad, the entire police force… And I don't know if I am good with it"

"Why don't you go public or corporate law instead?"

"I don't think they are for me, Joe"

"Then what?" He asked softly.

"I don't know" was the simply answer "Maybe… maybe I should just quit right here and now"

"No, no, no, ehy… Ehy Jamie, don't be stupid. You are like what? Three months apart from your degree? You just finish it, okay? Do it for mom"

Their mom had been one of the finest lawyer in New York, she had died two months after Jamie's first degree at Columbia.

"And then what?"

"And then we will figure it out, kid. Together" Joe tried to put all the love he felt for his little brother in that word. "I promise you, kid. And you know what? I have a free weekend this week. What about I come to you and we just hang out for a couple of days?"

"A… are you serious? It's… a four hours journey"

"I'll be there, kid. Now I gotta go. Call you back tomorrow morning before I go to bed, okay?"

"Be safe out there, okay Joe? Both you and Danny"

"Will be. I love you, kid" then, right before ending the phone call he added "And jamie… I'm proud of you. You have no idea of how proud I am of the man you become. And I don't care what do you choose to do after your degree. As long as you are happy, I'll be at your side. I promise"

"Thanks, Joe" Jamie's voice was clearly wet with commotion "I love you"

"Love you too, kid. Good night"

"Good night."

Joe hung up the phone and smiled. He didn't know why he just said that, he usually wasn't that emotional, but still. He sent a text to Danny.

"Kid says to stay safe out there"

"Copy that", was the answer he received from his older brother, which clearly was already in police man mood. "You too, Joe", came also after a minute.

"Copy" he smiled and sent.

He put on his vest and closed his locker, before joining his partner on the car.

Danny and Matt were the first one to arrive on the scene.

Danny saw a blink of pink, a lock of hair that couldn't stay hidden. Maria. Bent over someone, her back shaking with sobs.

There were few people who could make her cry like that.

And only one could be here tonight.

Danny did not remember his legs moving toward the two young detectives, nor deciding to go there. He just found himself knelt right beside his brother, his hand shaking as he tried and failed to find a pulse, ignoring the three gun wound who had killed his brother almost instantly, hitting him right in the few spots left uncovered by the vest.

He didn't remembered EMT's trying to force him to let Joe go, nor hitting them, or Renzoulli and Matt forcing him to stop.

He didn't remember getting into the hospital.

He didn't remember his father.

He just remember it was 2 am in the night, that Jamie was probably sleeping, ignoring to be the last to talk to Joe.

He just remembered he thought Jamie could not learn this from the morning news, or a phone call.

He just remembered he kissed Joe's cold forehead, whispering to him he was going to get Jamie, and then just run.

He just run and took his car, ignoring Linda and whoever tried to stop him.

He ignored Erin, asking him where in the hell was going to.

His lucidity came back when he finally parked its car in the parking in front of Jamie's dorm. He didn't remember exactly how the trip was, except that he should not have broken too much the speed limits, given he arrived in four hours and ten minutes. Probably his instinct had thought it was better for him to drive safe, and arrive, than drive faster.

He knew where to look.

Jamie's room was on the last floor of the building, second from the right. He tried not to cry thinking that Joe had told him the information, just in case of emergency.

He failed.

Danny just stayed in the car for almost thirty minutes, trying to compose himself before seeing Jamie. He took his phone, learning in that moment that Erin and Linda had left something like 50 messages.

He just read the last one. It was Erin, again.

"Bring yourself and Jamie home, safely. We are all waiting for you"

And Danny just managed the smallest of the smiles. Of course, dad or someone had guessed he had just to go and see the kid, and tell him personally.

The light in Jamie's room turned on in that moment. It was 6.40 AM.

Danny wasn't ready, he would never be.

But he had to.

Slowly, he entered the dorm, passed the guard using his police badge and walked to the room. He knocked slightly. He didn't want to wake all the dorm up.

Jamie woke up with a start, not even knowing why.

He was sleeping, and suddenly he was more than awake. He hadn't sleep very well, actually. The phone call with Joe had left him with a strange feeling, as if something was about to happen, but he could quite figure out what.

Eventually, he had fallen asleep, only to wake up as if he had had a nightmare he could remember at all.

He looked at his phone, always turned on.

It was just 6.20 AM, too early to get up.

There weren't messages from Joe or their brothers, but this was quite normal. He tried to go back to sleep, but he had a strange feeling that was keeping him awake.

It was 6.40 when he finally gave up the possibility to sleep and decided he could use the early wake for a run in the park and, maybe, to get an extra morning call with Joe, or saying good morning to his niece Nicky before she went to school.

He was in love with that kid. He loved all his nephews, Sean and Jack were amazing, but Nicky was more a little sister than a niece, and he loved her temper. She was just like all four of them summon up in one tiny, determined girl.

The knock on his door was so slight he almost missed it.

Who could ever be so early in the morning?

Sure, not his roommate, who had decided to take an extra week of holiday and went somewhere in the north fishing salmons, or looking for Jon Snow, and whatever, nor Luke, the one he considered his best friend here in Cambridge.

Luke would never get up before 9AM, no matter what.

Jamie took the little knife he always kept with him, a gift from Danny. Not that he could kill anyone with that thing, but it was sharp and Jamie knew how to use it. It would kill no one, but surely it will help him defend himself.

Jamie opened the door, just slightly, the minimum to recognize his visitor.

And he just froze.

The door finally opened, the minimum as dad and pop had trained them to do when a visit was unexpected. Danny made a single step forward, allowing Jamie to recognize him.

"Kid…" he murmured as the youngest of his brothers just remained still, his eyes wide open in fear as Danny opened the door and entered the room.

Danny knew his red eyes, along with the unexpected visit, will tell Jamie something really, really bad had happened to their family.

Danny opened his arms and just pulled Jamie to him.

"I'm so sorry, kid" whispered, holding him as tight as he could, as Jamie finally broke into tears.

Danny knew Jamie knew.

Joe is not with him.

That's all what Jamie could think about as he realized Danny's eyes were full of tears, his expression taunted… and that Joe was not with him.

That brought him to the only explanation possible.

He let his older brother hold him, almost keeping him upright as he began to sob, his face pressed into Danny's shoulder and his fingers clamped so deep into his back he would probably left signs.

He didn't care.

Joe, his brother, his best friend, his confidant was gone.

He didn't even allow himself to hope he was not, that maybe he had just been shot and critical, because he knew Danny would never drive to his dorm from NY in the middle of the night just to tell him Joe was injured.

Plus, Danny was crying too.

Danny never cried.

He didn't cry even when their mom died.

He had always been the strong one. For dad, for them, for his children and Nicky. Seeing him like this, right now, pushed Jamie to react and hold him as tight as he was.

Eventually, Jamie, his sobs calmed down, and he raised his head, and the two brothers stood just there, holding each other, forehead to forehead, silently crying for Joe.

Danny hadn't expected that at all.

More precisely, he didn't expect his own reaction.

He had always been the strong one, the eldest brother, the one who used to take care of everything and everyone; and yet, here he was, crying as much as Jamie.

When Jamie raised his head, letting his forehead resting onto his own, he just stayed there and, maybe for the first time in his life, he let the youngest helping him.

For the first time, he let tears fall down from his eyes in front of someone who wasn't Linda and just breathed with Jamie.

Time didn't matter.

For just a few moments, he let his grief come out freely, tears became quiet sobs. He felt Jamie guiding him to his bed. He didn't resist, even when Jamie made him lay down on his bed and just held him.

The last time the two of them shared a bed had been when the kid was ten and had high fever. Mom and dad where both out for the night and Danny stayed at home to take care of he and Joe.

It was about 1 AM when he heard Jamie's soft cry. The kid felt sick and was scared. It was the first time for him to be like this and mom was not there. So, Danny just held him all night, comforting him each time he woke up from a nightmare.

Now they just laid together, in that small bed.

They cried.

They remembered.

_Thank you for reading! Drop a review, bad or good, it's welcome!_


	2. Chapter 2

**a/N**: _So, here I am again. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and now I am officially here to leave you the second one, and annopuncing you this would be a 3 chapter story, so, one more to go._

_Thanks to the people who favourite and followed this story, that means a lot!_

_Plus, I am writing my first long in this fandom, but it is not published, yet, but it will soon, and so will chapter 3 of this one._

_Enjoy your reading and let me know what do you think!_

Jamie didn't know for how long they had stayed on his bed.

They didn't exchange any words; in facts, the only ones were that "Kid, I'm sorry" whispered by Danny as he had opened the door.

They didn't need words.

There were no words.

The just lost their brother.

It hurt.

It. Fucking. Hurt.

Joe was special to each of them; not that Jamie would feel any different if it were Danny, or anyone else of the family, but Joe was the one who seemed to keep all the brothers connected specially he and Danny.

The eldest and the youngest couldn't be more different.

They were opposite sides of the Reagan coin, and it was Joe who balanced them both. Jaime looked at Danny, smiled when found him asleep.

Jamie took his phone, his finger going on autopilot on Joe's contact. He stopped just in time, changing for Erin, instead.

He wondered for a while if he should call her or just send a text, but eventually he decided for the latest; he wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone. His tears had stopped, but he felt somehow on the edge of something, and he feared that would come out if he only opened his mouth.

He pressed on the text icon.

"Danny is here. I know. He fell asleep. Will be home ASAP"

It was a telegram more than a message, but honestly he didn't have the strength to write nothing different, so he gave the basic information his family needed. Just to be sure he sent a copy also to his father.

Jamie let his arm resting on the mattress, the phone still in his hand, but the grip on it relaxed.

He knew phone calls would arrive sooner than later; condolences and questions; friends, relatives, media, people he barely knew but who will call anyway because they just felt they had to.

Why they couldn't just think he just wanted to be left alone, with his family, realizing what had happened and just trying to figure out how to go through and keep living in a world without Joe?

Once at home, it wouldn't be so much different, also considering his father was NYPD commissioner and his whole family involved somehow in police department.

For a second, his finger went on the on/off button, but, again, he stopped the movement. He and Danny were upset and more than two hundred miles away from home, distance they had to cover by car.

He didn't want the rest of the family worried because he couldn't handle some phone calls.

He let his gaze going through his desk, where he kept photos of his whole life, mostly with his three brothers.

How many times had Joe been the filter between their troubles and mom and dad's anger?

A sad smile broke from his lips, as tears wetted his cheeks, while memories went through his mind, sweets, funny, and sad at the same time.

A soft whine escaped his lips as his eyes stopped on the photo they took last christmas. There were the four of them, with Nicky's face photo-bombing them from the bottom of the photo with a silly face.

He remembered how rapid she had been, intruding the camera in the exact moment Linda was taking the photo.

Later, they had a second one, without the girl, but Jamie printed that one because he loved how all of them were laughing from the joke. Four laughs differents but still somehow similar.

There would be no more Christmas for Joe.

Joe loved Christmas.

Before he could fully acknowledge it, Danny's arms were around him and he was sobbing again in his arms.

()()()()()()

Danny was asleep, but it was a light sleep; as the first, quiet whine came from Jamie, he woke up, taking him immediately into his arms.

Jamie didn't speak, just cried, and Danny was okay with it.

Even if they could be different as day and night, they were also similar in certain ways, and not being chatty about their feelings was one of those. He understood how Jamie was feeling right now, and if he didn't want to talk, Danny would not force him to.  
He perfectly knew that, once at home, everyone would ask him how he was, how he was copying, how he missed Joe, and that they would not accept the silence as an answer.

Danny loved his family, he couldn't ask for more in his life then them, but he recognized that sometimes they were a little bit overwhelming. They did it out of love of course, but he and Jamie sometimes just needed a hug and silence.

Danny took a mental note to send Erin a message about this.

"I- I'm sorry, Danny" Jamie said once he was able to calm down enough to speak, slightly releasing himself from his arms, enough to look him in the eyes, but not as much to be completely free. Danny complied, keeping physical contact with Jamie as long as he wanted to.

"No, it's okay, kid"

"It's just… I was looking at those photos" Jamie pointed at his desk "and… I realized… there will no more Christ-mas for…"Jamie's voice broke as Danny's eyes filled with tears. He hadn't thought about that.

He hadn't thought about anything at all, actually. He was just...surviving.

He knew Joe was dead, of course, but at the same time his mind refused to think about what that really meant, not only for Joe, but for him too. It was just too unreal, too painful. Too much.

Jamie's words had somehow generated ha brick in the wall his mind had built, and now everything was just pushing to tear the wall into pieces, and he just couldn't and wouldn't afford that. Not now. Not yet.

"Sorry if I fell asleep" he said eventually, when he couldn't find anything else to say without breaking down.

"You drove all night just to be here for me… It's okay. I sent a message to Erin. Did you even tell them where you were going?"

"Erin told me to bring you home. I think they guessed"

Jamie shook his head, with a small smile on his lips.

"Thank you" he whispered.

"I had to be here. I'm your big brother, and… you and Joe… I mean… I thought…"

Danny didn't know how to finish the sentence without accusing Jamie and Joe to be bad brothers toward he and Erin, because that simply wasn't true.

"Yeah… me and Joe" Jamie sighed "He was going to come here the next weekend, you know?"

"He didn't tell me" Danny's tone was more curious than anything else.

"He decided last night, when we talked before his shift. I had some… thoughts in my mind, and he decided to come here so that we could talk. Guess it doesn't matter anymore"

"We will find a way, kid. I promise"

Danny would not force Jamie to speak about these "thoughts" he mentioned, because he knew better than presume he could just take Joe's place. Jamie was a sweet kid, he had always been, but, just like him, he hidden his true himself behind a shield. Danny's was the anger and aggressivity, while Jamie's was made of kindness and smiles.

They didn't trust easily people, even their family.

There were things about Danny only Linda knew, like how much and how bad he cried during all his mother's cancer battle and death, how scared he was, and how he suffered behind his neverending anger of that period.

So, Danny knew better than impose himself. Plus, Joe had his own way to connect with people, and that was simply amazing. No one never got angry with him, not even the people he arrested.

After their mom died, Jamie had closed himself to the rest of the world, and only Joe had been able to reach for him and take him back to life, to university and, in general, into life.

Danny just hoped this time he and Erin, or maybe the little Nicky, could be able to do the same, now that Joe… Danny couldn't even think the end of the sentence. It was just too hard, too fresh to admit it had really happened.

"Maybe, after… you know...everything, we could… you know...talk, maybe?"

()()()()()()

Jamie didn't know where that came from.

When he thought about confiding in someone, it was definitely not Danny. He loved him, he truly did, but they just didn't have that kind of relationship, but this time, it just felt… right?

Maybe it was because Danny had taken a car just to be with him the moment he knew about Joe, or just because he was just here right now, without asking, without forcing him to speak; he was just the friendly presence he needed to not go crazy or have a complete breakdown.

"You mean… me… and you?"

Danny sounded as surprised as him, and his face was quite funny, as if he was asking himself if he was going nut or what.

"Y...Es?" Jamie almost laughed as answered. "I mean… we...are still...brothers… you know?"

"As long as you don't set free people I put in jail...yes, I suppose we are".

Jamie laughed, hitting Danny's shoulder with a slight punch, at the old joke between them, trying not to say that that was basically the whole point.

"Oh, come on!"

"Come on? I thought you stopped causing me trouble once you grew up...and then… you became a lawyer. Damn little brat!"

And Jamie just laughed, laughed like he didn't even think he could possibly do in such a situation, and he was surprised to just feel some kind of strange release.

()()()()()

Jamie's laugh had never sounded so beautiful.

Maybe it wasn't the right time for such a thing, but Danny started breathing again. When their mom was announced to be in the last stadium of her cancer, it was impossible to make him smile, let alone laugh.

Jamie seamed some kind of self living puppet. He went to university, came home, went to the hospital, sort of ate (but no one of them really ate), had shower and did the all the human being starter pack, but nothing else. He spoke only for practical uses, or when it was appropriate. He even tried to act perfectly normal when their dad or grandpa where at home, in a vane try of not worrying them. He failed, of course, because Frank was Frank, but Joe had reassured him he would take care of the youngest, and Frank knew he would be fine, somehow.

Not even Joe managed to drag him out of his status, not, at least, until Mary died and they all tried to go back to their lives. Joe had travelled almost every weekend he could, or every free day he had, to Harvard, just to not leave Jamie alone. Being far away from home in that period didn't help the youngest, but he couldn't afford to leave university behind, considering the costs of a university like Harvard.

So, Danny didn't care if it may not be the right moment for a good laugh, he was just glad Jamie did it.

He laughed too.

"We gotta go, I think" Jamie went serious.

"We do, kid"

The youngest nodded, already starting to put some of his clothes into a small bag, maybe more than it was necessary, Danny thought, considering Jamie had more than a few clothes at home in NY; still, he let him do.

His detective instinct (or big brother's one, he couldn't decide which was yet) told him it was not so sure he would come back to Harvard after Joe's funerals, or, if not that, that whichever was in Jamie's mind was related to his future.

Danny had always secretly thought, and so did Joe (he knew that because they talked about that once), that Jamie didn't want to become a lawyer. He and Joe had been the only ones who didn't push Jamie in a specific direction, even if he had to admit that he didn't mostly because he didn't really appreciate lawyers, and everyone would have killed him if he dared to say Jamie would be a damn good cop.

Everyone thought Jamie was too smart for that life.

Not that he and Joe were considered stupid, but Jamie had always had marks even better than Erin, who had aced whichever school she attended. But she didn't managed to get Harvard as Jamie did.

Danny and Joe always said he could be whatever he wanted to, as long as he was happy and proud of himself.

Jamie's desire to speak to him, made him think that maybe, the two things were connected, somehow.

Danny took his phone.

"Be right back, kid. Gonna tell Erin we are alive and we will be home for dinner, okay?"

"Can we make it later? Please?" Jamie almost whined, and Danny couldn't blame him. He didn't look forward to family dinner tonight too.

"I'll tell her we will do our best, then we will see, okay?"

"Thanks"

"I'll be right here if you need me"

"Thank you"

Danny smiled and left the room, closing the door behind. He made just a few steps, just to be sure he could talk without Jamie hearing in case Erin made any questions.

Erin answered almost immediately

"How is Jamie? And you?"

"Ehy, sis… ehy. How are you guys?"

No, Danny hadn't forgotten about the rest of his family. He had just counted on the Reagans' capability to be united and together to hang on in these though hours.

"Jamie?" she insisted.

"Upset"

"And?"

"And what?"

"You know what, Danny" Danny understood what she meant.

"No, no. Not like that. We will leave in a couple of hours, maybe later. I fell asleep, and you know...it was not easy"

"I Know. How are you, Danny? Jamie is not the only one who lost a brother"

"I could say the same about you, you know?"

"Daniel…"

"Erin… I have to bring the kid home, okay?"

He heard her sigh through the phone. He knew what she was thinking: he was being the usual Danny, forgetting himself to get the job done. He couldn't exactly tell she wasn't right, but, it was not quite like when he had a case.

His attitude was, for once, mostly to protect himself. Of course, Jamie needed him right now as much as he needed Jamie. Danny couldn't deny that. He was relying on Jamie even if the kid didn't know, he didn't need to know that. For Danny, it was enough his brother's presence.

"Daniel?"

Danny smiled hearing his father's voice. Of course, Erin had Frank close.

"Dad, ehy"

"Daniel, please. Be safe. Just… take all the time you need, I don't care. Just… get home safe. Both of you… please"

Danny looked at Jamie, who had joined him as he heard the word Dad. He knew his expression was just the same as his brother's. They saw Frank angry, happy, commanding, even crying when mary and his mother died, but they never, never heard him implore.

"We will, dad. I promise" Jamie managed to say after more than few seconds of silence "We will take care of each other, and we will stay in contact. You… take care of Erin, Linda, Grandpa and the kids, okay?"

He felt Danny's hand running through his hair and stopping on his nap in solidarity as he spoke. He looked at him and found pride and love into his gaze. He managed a smile.

"I will"

"And...dad?"

"Yes, Danny?"

"Take care of yourself, too. We… we need you dad. We all do"

This time, it was Jamie's turn to be proud of his big brother.

"Drive safe, kids"

"We will, pop"

Danny hung up and just looked at Jamie.

"Let's go home, Danny".

_THANKS FOR READING!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**__ I know. i said this would be the last chapter… but JAmie & Co. didn't agree… so… there will be chapter 4!_

_Thank you to the ones who left me a review, who favorited and followed this story. Hope you are enjoying this story so far!_

_Thanks also to all the silent readers. Let me know what you think!_

Danny left the car on the street outside his parents home.

He paid attention to not wake Jamie up; the kid had eventually fallen asleep, and Danny would spare him to find a valid excuse to justify his decision to accept Danny's offer to stay by him these days.

He left the car and entered.

He found himself hugged to Erin before he could even realize what was happening. Nicky was right behind her, hugging him from his side.

"Ehy… ehy... " Danny hugged them back with a tendress he usually reserved only for Linda and his kids "I'm home. I'm fine…"

"Where's uncle Jamie?"

Nicky was devastated, her eyes red and puffed up from tears, her sweet and young face stained in red. Danny lift her up into his arms, without letting Erin go. He could tell Erin was holding on on pure willpower. The fact Nicky didn't protested told him she was definitely not fine.

"He fell asleep in the car" he answered walking towards che living room with both of them "it was a long trip and he was tired"

"Can I go and check on him? I promise I won't wake him!"

Danny smiled at his niece and nodded.

"Be quiet, okay? Let him sleep"

Danny told her in a soft voice putting her down. The little girl disappeared outside. He knew she would comply. She simply couldn't stay away from his uncle Jamie.

He brought his attention to Erin. She was exhausted. He barely noticed her so called husband was not here, as usual.

Things were not good between them, Danny knew that, but he hoped at least this time he would be here for Erin and Nicky, but he decided to let go. It wasn't the time and his family needed to be reassured.

"Dad, Grandpa. We are home" he called as he saw his father sitting into his favourite armchair. He let Erin go just to crouch down in front of him, so that he could see his eyes. Frank looked totally devastated, if possible even worse than after his mother's death.

His eyes were red, and it was clear he had just stopped crying.

"It's not your fault, dad" Danny whispered.

"I'm commissioner of the…"

"And Joe was a Cop, dad. We all know the risks, and we accept them when we apply for the police academy" Danny talked quietly, but firmly. He knew his father didn't deal well with police officers killed on duty, and he could barely imagine how he must feel now that it happened to his son.

"He was my responsibility. And my son"

There were guilt, and anger, into his voice,which was harsh as it was when he reprimanded someone for taking unacceptable risks.

"Dad…" Danny tried again, but his Granpa, Henry, shook his head. Probably, they were trying to convince Frank since the night before, without success. Danny just left a kiss on his father forehead, soft and tender.

"Where's Jamie?"

"He fell asleep in the car. I'm taking him to my home, if it is not a problem"

"_This_ is his home, Daniel" Henry protested.

"I know, I know... but… you know him… he needs a quiet place, not… the crowd, the media, and all the circus."

"He needs to stay with his family!" the eldest insisted.

"I _am_ his family!" Danny raised his voice, aggressive as he defended his brother.

"Since when?"

"Stop it. Both of you." Erin got in the middle, worried that her father was not reacting to the ongoing fight involving his kids, which was not typical. "Grandpa, remember when mom died? How Jamie reacted?"

Henry nodded reluctantly.

"And… do you remember how he backwarded when people tried to talk to him?"

Another nod. Frank raised his head, reacting for the first time in hours. Erin almost sighed in relief. She had feared Frank would have the same reaction Jamie had with their mother.

"Take Jamie with you, Danny. And Erin and Nicky too." It sounded more an order than a request, or a suggestion. "Linda is at her parents' house. Sean and Jack were freaking out, and we decided that stay out of town will be better for all of them…"

Frank didn't need to say that Linda wasn't in a better shape. She always feared he would not come back home one day, and today it was her brother in law, and just for a coincidence it wasn't Danny.

"My house is bigger" Erin proposed "We can stop and get you some clothes"

"I left something upstairs, in my old room"

Erin got closer to her father as Danny left and hugged him.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" She also looked at Henry "Both of you?"

"As long as I know my kids are safe, I'm good" Frank managed to say "You all need to stay close, and take care of each other, at least tonight. The next two days will be hell for all of us, and I want you to rest, at least for tonight. Turn off all your phones. If anything happens I'll send someone"

Erin nodded.

"Do not force Jamie, or Nicky, to do something they are not willing or ready to do. It's okay if they don't come here tomorrow," Erin nodded again.

"I'll bring you breakfast. Try to rest, dad. You too Grandpa."

Frank kissed her forehead, as Danny came back with a bag containing the few thing he had left there.

"Night sweetie. Good night, Danny" he hesitated for a second, then he shyly asked: "May I see Jaime?"

Danny realized only in that moment how much Frank was relying on him to keep the kid safe, even if that meant he couldn't see him. Danny smiled at his father, a smile full of love and pride, which said way more than words could.

"Dad, we are not protecting him from you, you can see him whenever you want. Come. Let's see what he and Nicky are doing." Danny's voice was sweet and low. He was sincere. From what he had seen so far, all the family understood how to deal with the kid, and maybe seeing him would be good both both Frank and Jamie.

()()()()()()()

Jamie woke up as he felt someone's head resting on his shoulder. He smiled when he opened his eyes and found Nicky.

"Ehy, sweetie"

"Uncle Jamie… sorry… I didn't want to wake you up… I just…." Nicky seemend on the verge of tears ad was slightly panicking.

"No, no, no, ehy. It's okay. It's okay. Come here." Jamie exited the car and sat on the backseat, He laid his back on the car door and put his feet on the seat; after that, he made Nicky lay on his chest, her face on his shoulder. "That's better, don't you think?"

"I missed you, uncle" the girl almost whined.

"I missed you too, Nicky."

"Today was awful. There were so much people… It is good, grandpa told me, because that means everybody loved uncle Joe, but… now it's better. You are here and people are gone"

"I'm not leaving you Nicky. I promise" Jamie whispered, kissing her hair.

His thoughts, again, went to the doubts he had regarding his own future. Sure, there was plenty of law firms in New York, and with his marks he already had a lot of offers, but he couldn't stop thinking about himself in a police uniform.

"Mom and dad fights all the time" Nicky sobbed into his chest, so suddenly he didn't realize immediately what she was saying. He held her tight as soon as he understood, his hand rubbing her back trying to calm her down. He had never seen her like this before; Nicky was a Reagan, she rarely cried.

"Sometimes, adults argue, sweetie. It's all right…"

"No. It isn't! Dad is never at home, and when he is… he never stays with me, or mom. He works all the time… and mom gets angry at him…they… they are divorcing, and now, uncle Joe is dead, and you are away… I… I…."

Jamie didn't know what to think. Divorcing? Erin and Jack?

He knew they had some issues, but he never thought they were speaking about divorce. Not knowing what to say, he just lulled the sobbing girl, making her feel he was there for her, and reassuring her in a soft voice until she finally fell asleep into his embrace.

He didn't even think about leaving the car. Entering the house announcing he would sleep by Danny would make grandpa furious and dad would be hurt and disappointed, plus, he didn't want to risk waking Nicky up.

()()()()()()

Danny froze as he saw the passenger seat empty.

"Wh…"

"N… Nik… Nicky" Erin stammered suddenly gripping Danny's arm in fear.

"The backseat" Frank whispered, calmy.  
He didn't even know how he didn't panic as he saw the car was apparently empty; maybe his need to know his youngest was fine just made his sight sharper, he didn't know. Still, he noticed Jamie's blond hair barely appearing from the back window of the car, hit by the light of a a near street lamp.

They approached silently and discovered uncle and niece curled up and sleeping in the backseat.

Erin smiled motherly at the sight.

"They are cure, aren't they?"

Frank nodded, smiling.

Seeing Jamie somehow relaxed, his arms around Nicky, his body slightly turned on his side, as he was trying to shield her from the world outside, made him able to breathe again.

His three children were here, with him, safe and sound.

He laid his forehead against the glass of the window, and stayed just there, motionless, breathing slowly, not realizing tears were falling down his cheeks until he felt both Danny's and Erin's bodies squeezing him into a double hug.

And, for once, he just accepted it, crying quietly into his son's shoulder.

He was no more the New York police commissioner, he was just a father mourning his son, died too soon.

"We are going to be okay, dad…" Danny whispered into his ear. "it won't be simple, but… we will. I promise"

"We will take care of Jamie, dad. We are not Joe, we know that, but… we will be here for him, for each other. For you. Please. Let us be here for you, too" Erin pleaded, and he just nodded.

He shouldn't maybe; he was the father, he should be the one taking care of his children, but, right now, he just felt the luckiest man in the world. He had raised three amazing children, capable to put themselves aside to help their family.

"I… i… am so proud… of… you all." He managed to whisper once he was able to compose himself. He looked a his children with a shy smile and eyes full of love and proud, feelings he could see written as clear in Erin's and Danny's eyes looking at him. "Go, take the kids home. See you tomorrow"

"Are you sure, dad? We can stay…" Erin begun...

"You need your rest, and Nicky and Jamie too"

"Dad" Danny looked at his as serious as Frank "promise me you and pops will try to sleep"

"I promise, son. I'll try" Frank was sincere. He didn't know if he could sleep at all, but he could give it a try. He had to take care of everything and, above all, of all his family; he would need to be as rested as he could to stay focused.

Danny kept looking at him, trying to find some trick that wasn't there, for about a minute before squeezing his shoulder and place himself into the driver seat of the car.

Frank looked at the car until it disappeared behind the corner, before going back into the house.

()()()()()()()

Jamie woke up as Danny turned the engine off in front of Erin's home.

"Ehy, kid" Danny greeted him whispering, pointing at the still sleeping Nicky. Jamie just nodded and looked outside the window, recognizing his sister's place. "We are staying here together" Danny answered his unspoken question "Commander's orders"

Jamie nodded and exited the car with Nicky into his arms, careful not to wake her.

"I go her" he reassured Erin, who just nodded and turned off the alarm and opened the door. "What's Jack going to say?" He asked

"He is not here, so I suppose he hasn't the right to say anything" Erin cut short sharply."You know the way to Nicky's room"

Jamie didn't say a word more, and just brought Nicky to bed, making sure she was well tucked and warm. He left his phone right beside her, just in case she woke up, and went down the stairs just in time to hear Danny saying goodbye to their dad.

"Sorry, I fell asleep" he said, taking a seat on the sofa and pulling his sister to his chest. Erin curled up onto his side, her head on his shoulder, as he did the same on Danny, who sat up right beside him.

"That's okay, Kid. It was a long day, and I slept this morning"

"Actually, it was good you slept. Grandpa won't accept you going to stay by Danny"

"What did they say?"

"Dad decided we needed to stay together and rest. That's all, kid. Don't worry"

"You don't have to come tomorrow if you don't feel like it" Erin added "No one of us have to, but specially you and Nicky"

"I… I would like to see Joe" Jamie whispered "You think… I could go and see him before going home for the vigil?"

"I'm coming with you, kid" Danny approved, and Jamie just nodded.

He stayed quiet for a while, keeping Erin into his arms and resting onto his brother's chest, not sure whether he should tell something about Nicky's breakdown of just let it go.

"What is it, Jamie?" Erin asked, slightly moving to look him into his eyes

"Nothing"

"What Nicky told you?" She inquired, the same face she had on trial, or when she was fighting for Danny for one of his not so legal arrests..

Jamie remained silent for a moment, he didn't want to get his niece into troubles.

"You'd better answer, Jamie. I know serial killers who fear that look"

"She… she didn't want to… but… she… just.. brokedown" Jamie stammered "She said… you and Jack… are going to divorce"

Erin froze for a second, before cursing between her teeth.

"Is it true?" Danny asked, softly. He wasn't accusing her. He didn't like Jack since their first meetings, and he never tried to hide it.

"Yes, maybe… I don't know… I mean… Nicky is so young… but…"

"What happened?" Jamie asked keeping her into his hug.

"He's not here. He does not have time" She answered bitterly, hiding her face into his shoulder. Jamie felt Danny's whole body going tense, and gave him a meaningful look. That was not the time to get angry at that son of a bitch who chose not to be here for his family in such a moment. Everyone knew Nicky considered Joe a big brother more than an uncle, not even starting talking about Erin, who just lost her younger brother.

"You'll deal with that later. I'm going to stay for a while, so, if you two want to try and fix things, I can stay with her"

"What? You're not going back?" Danny asked, immediately.

"I didn't tell that!" Jamie protested "it's just… you know… I need time to… process… Joe… and… being here… it will be good for me… I think. So, I'm going to stay here for a while"

"Won't you risk your graduation?"

"No, no it's okay… I was thinking a week or two, maximum"

His two brothers just nodded. Jamie felt Danny's gaze on him; he knew Danny knew he hadn't told all the truth, but he pleaded with his eyes to just let go.

"Erin, would you mind ordering pizza for everyone? I'm hungry"

"Why don't you do it by yourself?"

"Because you and Jamie are squashing me, little sis"

()()()()()()

Jamie was laying on Nicky's bed.

The little girl had joined them when the pizza arrived, as if she had smelled it, and had settled herself on Jamie's knees.

Erin had tried to convince her letting him go, but the truth was, he didn't mind, so he ended up promising her he would sleep with her, and now he was, with Nicky curled up onto his side, sleeping peacefully.

()()()()()()

Danny lied on the right side of Erin and Jack's double bed. Saying he felt awkward was an understatement, but he didn't feel like leaving his sister alone that night, or, maybe, deep down, he had to admit he was glad not to be alone tonight.

Still, the last time he had slept with Erin, she was like five and had a fever.

"I don't know what to do, Danny"

Erin's voice made him jump.

"I thought you were sleeping"

"I can't" she whispered, cautious not to wake Jamie and Nicky now that they both finally slept. "I'm angry, Danny"

"Me too"

"I'm angry for Joe, and… I'm just furious with Jack. I… you know… before today, I've never considered divorce as an option. I mean, we have problems but… who hasn't?" Danny didn't interrupt her. He had never liked Jack, firstly because of his job, but also because he had always thought he was a selfish bastard who would make his little sister suffer. He didn't know why. It was just his instinct. The fact Joe, Dad and Grandpa thought exactly the same, obviously, didn't help him change his mind. He really hoped they would break up sooner than later, but then Erin got pregnant, and they decided to get married. The true Jack started to manifest himself after about a year, when he started travelling all around the world as a lawyer. Still, he didn't talk, he wanted to be there for Erin, for once, listen to her without judging. "But… tonight I called him, I didn't know how to tell Nicky about Joe, I… I was, you know… scared, and worried, and we didn't know if you were safe too... and… I…"

"You needed him" Danny completed the sentence… it's okay, sis. It's...normal. I wish Linda were here, too"

"Yeah…"

"What happened?"

"He told me… Nicky would learn about Joe from the news, so to just tell her" Danny closed his hands into fists in anger, barely holding himself from go and get this idiot "I asked him to come back… he said he couldn't. He won't make it even for the funeral, I think" she finished curling up against his chest.

"We got you, Erin" Jamie's voice came from the door of the room. He was standing with his shoulder laid on the door jamb. It was still drowsy. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I was passing by and… I just heard"

"Come here, kid. It's cold out there" Danny invited and Jamie complied.

"What do I do, guys?" Erin wondered

"Kick Jack's ass out of this house" to everyone surprise, the one who talked was Jamie, which reflected exactly what Danny was thinking right now.

"The kid is right" he approved "He just left you alone dealing with Joe's death. And Joe was the only one who liked him"

"Mom" Nicky appeared, the stuffed dolphin Joe had gifted her under his arm. She took her place among the three of them, which were close enough she was, practically, on everyone's lap. "Mom, I don't want you and dad to fight anymore!" she pleaded as Erin dragged her onto her chest

"Shh… everything is gonna be alright, babe. I promise" she kissed her hair gently, rubbing her back to calm her down.

"For how much I agree with Jamie, I must say, this is not the right time. We aren't lucid, and we need to focus on our family right now. The rest will come later".

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Here I am, chapter 4 is on!

First of all, I would really thank you all for the rewies, the favourite and follows on this story! They really mean to me!

Just a few words... this will not be the last chapter, since I realized I still have a lot to write, so... chapter 5 will be published as soon as I finish it, which will be a few days I think since Italy is now blocked and we can't go out if not for emergencies and job...

Hope everyone of you is safe in your own country. Try to stay safe and listen to what governements say.

To any italian reader I may have, please, please, please, stay at home. Be safe. Think about the one you care about before yourselves. It's just a couple of weeks!

**Just a little warning for panic attack, which is written in ****_Italic_****, If you are sensible to that, just skip that part, it is not that important to the story.**

()()()()()

"You sure you are ready, kid?"

Danny asked for the unptenth time. He didn't want to force him change his mind about seeing Joe, but he feared Jamie could have a total breakdown, or worse, go back to the almost catatonic state of when Mary died.

Jamie just nodded, his hands pressed into fists, his jaw clamped and his blue eyes, always so crystal, red and scared, his pupils enlarged; not to mention the slightly shaking of his whole body.

Danny knew this was the beginning of a disaster.

Still, seeing Joe was his right, and he believed that if Jamie should be allowed to choose what not to do, he cold also choose what to do, and if he wanted to see Joe, well Danny would just be there and support him.

Luckily, Jamie managed to convince Nicky for her it was way better to remember her uncle alive and smiling rather than having his corps as last memory of him.

The coffin would probably be half open up until half an hour before the funerals begin, and that would be hard enough for everyone.

They were now parked outside the morgue, sit into the car. Danny was waiting for Jamie to step out first, without saying anything. He just waited for his brother to be ready, and if he decided he wasn't, he didn't mind at all just turning on the engine and going back home.

He had made that clear since they had breakfast together, alone in Erin's house.

She and Nicky went to check on dad and Henry, bringing them breakfast.

Danny wanted to make sure that Jamie could change his mind at any time, and no one would ever judge him for that.

"Danny" Jamie begun, his voice barely a whisper.

"I'm here, kid"

"I want to become a cop"

"That's okay, kid… we just go back hom… wait. What?"

Because, yeah, Danny's mind reacted to what it was, according to her, the obvious sentence Jamie would pronounce in such a situation, which should have been "let's go" or "I don't want to go". "I want to become a cop" was not even contemplated.

"I don't want to be a lawyer" Jamie repeated, more clearly and in a steadier voice.

"What's up, kid?" Danny asked shifting into the driver seat so that he could face his little brother. "I mean, not that I wouldn't be happy of you being a cop but, you studied so hard…"

"What if something happens to you, or to your partner or… and I am the one defending the perp?"

"Wait… it's just for what happened to Joe?"

"No… not exactly"

"It's this you wanted to talk about?"

Jamie just nodded.

"It's… just… I've been thinking about it for a while, and I talked to Joe about that last night. That's why he decided to come to Harvard for the weekend…"

"Jamie" Danny's face softened as he smiled to his little brother "You know we… I mean… we never talked too much about personal stuff… but… I'm here for you… okay?"

"I don't know how to say it to dad and pops"

"You already decided?"

"Danny… maybe... I made a mistake. I mean… mom was already ill… and everyone kept telling me I was too smart to be a cop…and she wanted me to be safe…"

"I knew you weren't choosing by your own" Danny murmured.

"You knew?"

"Remember when we were Kids, kid?" Jamie just looked at him, lost. They were almost ten years apart, and Jamie didn't remembered much of when Danny used to play with them. "We used to play to the cops, and even if you were like...two or three years old, you always wanted to be one of the cops. Erin no, just as example"

"That's and evidence even you know it's irrelevant" Jamie objected, almost laughing.

"Don't be a sassy lawyer to me, kid" Danny laughed "And, for the record, it's not my only evidence, your honor"

"Let's hear them then, Detective Reagan"

Danny liked how they were reaching a method to communicate. He smiled.

"When I and Joe used to study for the Police Academy, you used to snick in and read our manuals. You learnt all the code 10 meanings before me and Joe"

"You do not have any proof!" Jamie protested, blushing.

"You used to correct me. At 13. Not to mention Joe. And, one time you left traces"

"Me?"

"Yup"

"No way. I've always been careful!"

"So you admit you did that?" Danny laughed.

"Oh, come on" Jamie followed suit, slightly punching Danny's arm. "Don't go detective on me"

"Too late. Got my confession!" Jamie laughed. "Seriously, kid. I'm less surprised now than when you told us you wanted to go to law school."

"Really?"

"Really. I mean, I was happy, proud and relieved. My little brother wanted to be a lawyer and would not be in the street. Still, I was surprised. We all were. Everyone believed you would join the police."

"What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Hat should I do?"

"You know I am a detective, right?"

"Danny… please"

"What I think, is that it's your life, kid. Honestly, I'll be happy whatever you choose"

"You are not helping…"

"Ok, Jamie" The youngest rose his gaze hearing his name coming from Danny. Danny never called him Jamie "Why did you choose law school?"

"Because I wanted to be a lawyer"

"Jamie." Danny interrupted him, his voice hard and severe, like when he interrogated a suspect he knew was hiding something "There are only the two of us in this car. No dad, no pops, no Erin. No one. So, give up the crap you say to yourself each night and give me the honest answer"

"I… don't know. Maybe… I just wanted mom to feel uneasy about me and my future. You know… I wanted her to be sure I was not going to risk my life"

"But?"

"But… I had the application for the police academy half filled in my room that Sunday. I wanted to announce I wanted to be a cop…"

"But then there was the shooting, mom bursted into tears, begging me and Joe to change our job…"

Jamie just nodded.

Danny pulled his brother toward him and ruffled his hair, making him laugh, then his hand went down onto the back of his neck and Danny made eye contact with his brother. He stayed still for a while, before speaking.

"Kid, now more than any time, we realized we have only one life on this heart. Do you really want to pass it doing a job you don't like? Fighting to set perps free when all you want to do is fight for the opposite?"

"But…"

"Ehy. Mom is dead, kid. I know it's hard to accept, but she is. You are not. You can't afford to waste your life like this. Plus, I know she would prefer to be a little worried about you, than to see you unhappy every single Sunday. You want to be a cop? Then let's go. Realize your dream, kid."

"What would the other say?" Jamie asked sheepishly, and with "the others" he meant, mainly, their dad.

"They may get a little angry, but I'm sure they'll be so proud of you! Still… I think they would prefer if you finished law school. You worked so much, and they are just a few months"

Jamie nodded.

"Thanks, Danny. Really"

()()()()()

Jamie was surprised of how Danny managed to take out from him what he really wanted to do. He wasn't like Joe, not at all. He had felt almost under interrogation, but, surprisingly, it had worked faster and better, maybe.

He was used to Joe, who could make him talk about everything just being there, talking about everything in front of a movie, or a beer, or both.

Danny was arsher, but he didn't judge. He just put him in front of the reality. They were not talking about a few years of school anymore.

The were talking about his future, his entire life from now on; and the truth was, if he thought about himself in a suit, in front of a court, defending a perp, he wanted to vomit.

He remained silent, thinking about how to say that to the whole family.

"Everything will be okay, Kid. I'll be with you all the time. I promise"

"Thank you, Danny"

Jamie looked at the morgue door again, deciding it was now or never. "Can we go now?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah"

Danny got out of the car, waiting for Jamie to to the same before walking toward it side by side. He had to admit he felt grateful for his brother's company and support.

He never went to a morgue before, and the idea he was going to see his murdered brother… well, he was glad for Danny's hand on the lower part of his back, a light, reassuring presence.

He glanced at his companion, asking himself how Danny felt about going in. He never thought about that before. How could he be so selfish? He stopped.

"What is it, kid?" Danny looked at him, concerned.

"How about you?" He asked "are you up to do this?"

"I… was the first on the scene" Danny confessed. "We...were the closest unit, and we responded when the radio called for backup… I arrived there… and it was too late…"

Jamie placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly in support. He didn't even want to start thinking how _that_ should have been painful. He had a flash of Joe's body, on the asphalt, Danny racing to try and feel a puls… no. He shook his head mentally to erase that picture from his head.

He really hoped he would never had to do such a thing.

Danny passed his forearm on his eyes, wiping few tears away.

"Let's go, kid" he encouraged, passing his arm around his shoulders and walking keeping him by his side. For once, Jamie didn't complain. He knew if Danny was doing that, it was because he needed it maybe more than Jamie.

They stopped by the reception.

Danny just showed his police badge and the boy guided them inside, up to the last room. As they walked, Jamie noticed it was cold, with a vague scent of death that nothing could send away or conceal.

"We put him in the last room, Detective. He is fully dressed into his uniform. We preferred to do that since numerous colleagues came and visit him." The guy answered to Danny's questioning gaze. That was not the usual procedure of the morgue.

"We appreciate that" Jamie whispered, unable to elaborate higher sounds "Thank you"

He was a few steps away from the room entrance, which was usually closed to guarantee some privacy to the visitors. Danny had already opened it slightly, but from his angle, Jamie couldn't see nothing other than the walls. He new a step on his left would let him see Joe, still, he could force himself to make that step.

Danny looked at him, not saying anything using his words, but telling him with his eyes it was okay if he didn't want to go on.

Eventually, Jamie nodded.

Danny fully opened the door and stepped in one step behind Jamie. His hand where he use to be as they walked him.

_Joe looked like… Joe._

_That was the first thing Jamiel could think about._

_He wasn't dead. _

_He was just sleeping, pretending not to hear them to drive him mad. That was sure._

_Look, he was still breathing. How could danny not to see it?_

_Wake up, damnit! You are scaring the hell out of me!_

_()()()()()_

_Next thing Danny knew after entering the room with Jamie, was that he had to restrain his little brother._

_For something like thirty seconds, Jamie just stared at Joe, perfectly still._

_Then the hell happened._

_Jamie rushed toward Joe, grabbing his uniform from the collar of the blue jacket han pulled him upright shaking him hard, yelling at him to just stop being an idiot and pretending he was asleep._

_Danny grabbed Jamie from his waist and pulled, as the other man forced his brother's fingers to open, while Jamie cried and struggled to get free, yelling he had to wake him up._

_As Jamie finally released the hold from Joe, the sudden lack of resistance made Danny lose his balance, and they both fall down, landing on the older's back. Even if the weight of Jamie pulled all the air out of his lungs, he managed, somehow to maintain his grab on his little brother, who was still crying and yelling against Joe._

_With difficulty, Danny managed to shift their position, so that Jamie was blocked between the pavement and his body._

_"__Kid… kid, calm down… it's… he… he… he is...gone" Danny managed to say, between his own tears who started to fall down seeing Jamie so desperate._

_()()()()()_

_"__He is… gone!"_

_Danny's words finally hit him._

_Joe Could be an idiot, he could pass the limit of his own jokes, sometimes, but Danny would never second something like that._

_The truth hit him like a truck._

_Joe was death._

_It was as if all the energy he hd hd been suddenly drained from his body. He collapsed onto Danny's chest, crying and sobbing as he never did before._

()()()()()

_Danny had never thought someone could actually die of crying, before today. Now, he didn't know to me more worried about Jamie's breakdown or the fact he was barely breathing between his sobs._

_Actually, he alternated sobs to moment he was hyperventilating._

_Danny raised a little bit, seeing Jamis had stopped fighting him, to let him space to breathe._

_He was aware of the man behind him, looking at them worryingly, maybe thinking about calling an ambo, but he didn't care. _

_"__Kid… kid, you have to breathe. Kid. Come on" he tried to calm his brother, but it was as if Jamie wasn't even listening to him. Still, he didn't gave up on him. He kept talking to him, hoping his voice would somehow break in and bring the kid back to him._

_()()()()()_

_It was too hard to breathe. _

_It was too hard thinking Joe was actually dead. _

_Jamie felt trapped into his own mind, as memories of his whole life flew. Joe was one of his first memories, and was a constant through all his 22 years, and if he thought about a life from now on without him, he just couldn't breathe._

_"__Kid. Kid come on. Breathe"_

_He heard Danny's voice as it was distant and filtered, and he just couldn't reach for him. His chest felt so heavy, air was not enough and he couldn't just bring it into his lungs, and he just couldn't stop crying._

_"__Kid! Breathe!"_

_Danny's voice was sharp, so similar to his father's one he was forced his attention to it. It was a reflex. If dad used that tone, you listen to him._

_()()()()()_

_Danny had always thought he would never use his father's commanding tone on his kids or anyone into his family, still, he had to in order to try and snap Jamie out of what it seemed a full scale panic attack,_

_He was surprised it actually worked, though._

_As Jamie's eyes landed into his, a flash of lucidity into his blue irises, he acted._

_"__Breathe!" He ordered in the same tone._

_He was rewarded by Jamie's try to inalate, who ended up in hyperventilation again. _

_"__Kid! Breathe in! Now!" he instructed, placing the hand on his sterno to make him feel the sensation he was actually expanding his rib cage._

_"__Out. Now"_

_Jamie obliged._

_Danny lost time count as he kept ordering his brother to breathe in and out, guiding him into a regular respiration. Every now and then he stopped, trying to see if jamie had regained control, but any time Jamie went back into panic as soon as he stopped, so, he just kept going on._

_()()()()()_

_Danny's voice was steady. Reassuring. He was giving him orders, and he could follow them._

_He discovered air filled his lungs if he did as Danny was instructing._

_He knew he was still crying, but listening to his brother's voice was right now, more important._

_He had panicked again when he tried to stop talking, but now he could feel it was better. He placed his own hand on Danny's one onto his belly, still not confident in talking, but letting him know he was back._

Danny sighed in relief.

"There you are, kid" he smiled, his voice softer now he was able to breathe on his own. Danny helped him sit with his back against the wall of the room. "Any spin?"

He shook his head, no.

"Just breathe, kid. It's okay… you had a breakdown. Scared the hell out of me, but I will be okay"

"H… home?" he managed to ask.

"We are going back to Erin, kid"

He shook his head. He wanted to go home, to see his dad and pop, and, just try to help intead of being constantly helped.

"Kid…"

"Home… please"

"Okay…"

()()()()()

I don't know if he will accept, but… in name of our family, I deeply thank you for your offer, sergeant Renzulli. We are honored"

"12th precinct honor was to have Joe among us. He was an amazing officer, and a great detective. To know Joe, being his partner, was my honor, Frank. I'm gonna miss your kid. We all will"

Danny and Jamie entered the family kitchen just in time to hear the word Renzulli was spending for Joe, with wet eyes and the voice unstable. The eldest shook his hand and a quick hugh with the police man and commander of the 12th precinct, while Jamie limited to a shy hand shake.

"Thanks for coming" he managed to whisper.  
They came from the police mortuary, where Joe was resting waiting for the funerals, which would be tomorrow. There, in front of Joe's body, Jamie collapsed. He broke down completely on the room pavement, with Danny desperately trying to calm him,or at least, to make him breath between his sobs.

His eye were still red and wet, and the kid looked kind of feverish. Danny wanted to take him back to Erin's, who they decided it would be their headquarters, but Jamie wanted to go home, and Danny, although he didn't agree, complied.

"I loved your brother, kid. I needed to be here" the Tony answered hugging him briefly. "Danny… I actually wanted to talk to you for a second, if you don't mind"

"Sure, Sarge."

"We would be honored if you will call the end of watch for your brother" Tony cut it short, as usual.

Danny looked at him.

The end of watch call was usually made by the precinct commander, or by the radio dispatcher, never by the family.

"I… we know this is not the tradition, but… we thought… it would be right it was you, if you accept"

Danny looked at Jamie, first, who just looked as lost as he was earlier, when he had dragged him into the car at the morgue, and then at his father, who just nodded with pride into his eyes.

Danny's gaze went to Henry, who was the most traditionalist they had in the family.

"Your call, kid. If you're up to… do it" the former commissioner said, smiling.

"I..It will be an honor, Sarge. Thank you"

"No, Thank you, detective Reagan" Tony smiled "Can we have a word, regarding tomorrow? I suppose it will be your first time"

"And let's hope the last too" he answered truthfully, following Renzulli in the backyard.

Once outside, he just gave Danny a paper.

"Everything you need to know is in there. "Tony paused "I know it's not my business, but you should really take that kid somewhere else"

"I tried. We went to see Joe… then he wanted to come here. But I agree. He Should not be here" Danny sighed. "I'd better go back inside. Thank you, Tony. And say all the 12th we thank them too"

"Will do. See you tomorrow".

()()()()()

As Renzulli left the room, Frank pulled Jamie into his arms. He knew they would go and see Joe, Erin told him when she brought breakfast for him and Henry.

Frank wished they would come there, first, but Erin explained they decided to do that first think in the morning for two main reason: the have more privacy, since so early in the morning would guarantee few people around, and that Jamie was freaking out from anxiety.

He was glad to feel Jamie relaxing into his hug.

"Sorry… I didn't… come… earlier"

"It's okay, son. It's okay" Frank reassured him immediately, sincerely.

()()()()()

Jamie had always considered himself an independent person, specially from his father.

Of course, he appreciated Danny's support these days, as well as Erin's little attentions, but he didn't realize how much he needed it until he could finally let himself go into his father's hug.

It was as if he was suddenly able to breathe again, as if someone had turned on the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time since Danny had shown up at his dorm door, he truly felt everything would be alright, someday and somehow. They all would.

"I missed you, dad" he whispered only for his ears.

"Missed you too, Jamie… but I knew you needed time, and space"

"It's all so… I don't know…"

"Unreal?" completed Frank "As if Joe will enter right now asking why are we all crying"

"Yeah… kind of…"

"I wish he could"

"I'll give everything" Jamie echoed, not releasing from the embrace even a bit. It still hurt. It still hurt so much, but, right here and now, Jamiel felt as his father had created a shield, which was soothing the pain and giving him hope.

When Danny came back, he found the two of them asleep on the sofa, still into each other arms. He tucked them into a warm duvet, paying attention not to wake them and shot a picture he sent to Erin.

Then he closed the living room door and took care of the numerous guests visiting for condolences.

**Thanks for reading!**  
**Let me know what fo you think, what is going to happen, anything!**


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N : First of all, stay safe out there! _

_Second, thank you for all your feedback, they mean a lot to me! To the anonymus who wanted to be my beta, if you find you psw, please contact me! (and so whoever else wants to!)_

_Let me know what you think about this chapter! _

_Happy reading!_

"You sure you want to do that?"

Linda asked softly, helping Danny adjusting his uniform so that he looked perfect on him. She and the kids had come home in the morning, in time to attend Joe's funeral.

They were at his home, the children with Erin, Jamie and Nicky. As usual, Linda had prevented his need to have a moment all by themselves before the last, hardest moment since the night Joe died.

Danny hated funerals. Specially cops funeral.

He hated bagpipes.

He hated Amazing Grace.

He hated the coffin, with the US Flag.

He hated cops standing by, giving the last goodbye to their colleague, friend or brother.

He hated the End of watch ceremony.

He hated basically everything.

"Yeah" he answered holding Linda into his arms.

"You hate funerals"

"He's my brother"

Linda nodded and gave him a small kiss onto the corner of his lips.

"I'm so proud of you, Danny" she whispered.

()()()()()

"Uncle Jamie?" Nicky peered out into the room they were sharing. He was fighting with the knot of his tie, his hands slightly shaking. He was nervous. "Are you ready?"

"Just a second, sweety. Would you mind helping me with this, wouldn't you?"

Nicky stepped in and Jamie lowered so that she could fix the knot.

She was even better than Erin doing that, but he was smart enough not to tell her.

"Thank you, Nicky" then he noticed her blouse was out of place "Wait a sec. Come here" He adjusted the garment "Now here we go. Where are Sean and Jack?"

"Already ready. They are waiting for us".

"Let's go then" Jamie forced a smile.

Nicky hesitated for a second, torturing the dark blue blouse into his small fingers.s

"Wait… can you… speak with mom? I think she is not okay" she whispered, her big eyes pleading him. Jamie moved a lock of her long hair behind her ear, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I will." he promised "Let's go"

He followed Nicky downstairs, and he didn't miss Erin passing her hand on her eyes as Nicky announced they were ready. The kid looked at him, her gaze so similar to Erin's when she mutely asked if he noticed something in someone of their family. He gave her a small nod, silently inviting her to take her cousins to the car waiting for them outside.

One of the small privileges of being Reagans.

He joined Erin into the small kitchen.

She was standing in front of the sink, the water flowing as she stayed there, the coffee mug into his hands, but he gave no sign of being washing it. Jamie took the object from her, receiving no resistance, and put in on the counter.

He looked at his sister, who was silently crying. He let the water flow, and hugged her.

She had been strong so far, for him, for Nicky, to not be a burden to Danny.

"Erin…" he whispered holding her to his chest, trying to comfort her. "I'm here, let it go…"

"He… he is… not coming" she finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper "I… just hoped… at least today… I… I just can't…."

"You are not alone, sis. I'm here. I'm here... " he whispered back, rubbing her back.

"I… I miss Joe"

"I know… I know"

"He… he just knew… how to deal with Nicky… and now... "

"You are an amazing mother, Erin, and despite what I told you as a teenager, you've always been, also to me. You were always there for me after mom died, or during the years she had been ill and could not think about me. I know I said you were terrible, but, the truth is… you were the best sister and motherly figure I could hope for" Jamie was now speaking from his heart "When you told us you were pregnant with Nicky, you were so scared, you were barely 18, but I was sure you would do great, and look at you now. Look at your daughter."

"I was not alone…"

"Oh, please. Jack was never here. I never saw him once helping Nicky studying, or bringing her to sunday school or to the doctor, or teaching her how to face her life. We helped, I'm not going to deny that, but you did the job, sis. And I know the word divorce is scary as hell, but you'll be fine. I'm sure"

Erin raised his head and gave him an half smile. He passed his thumb on her cheek, wiping the last tears away. "We are with you sis"

"I wish Joe could be here"

"I believe he is" Jamie whispered "He cared too much about us to just disappear like that"

"Why him? Why?"

"I don't know."

It was the one million dollar question everyone who lost a beloved one too soon had asked at least once in a lifetime. It was the question who didn't have an answer, and no supercomputer will never give it. It certainly wasn't 42.

"Do you want to stay at home?" He asked after a while, since she kept crying without any sign of stopping it.

"No… No… we… we have to go"

"We have plenty of time, Erin… take all the time you need. You've been strong for everyone of us so far…Wait a sec."

Jamie left her just to say the driver to take the kids to Frank's house, reassuring him he and Erin would join them at the church directly. He then sent a message to his father, reassuring him he would take care of Erin, before going back to her.

He finally closed the water.

"I sent them to dad's" he explained

"You shouldn't have…"

"Commissioner Reagan told us to take care of each other. That's what I am doing"

"If only Danny followed orders on the job as you do" she managed to smile, somehow.

"His and your job would be a lot more boring" Jamie laughed, leading her on the white couch. He noticed she was still in her home sweatpants and sweater. He turned the TV on, choosing the cartoon channel.

"What are we? Ten?" she smiled relaxing into his arms.

()()()()()

Erin would never admit that out loud, but she was glad to have Jamie here with her, and she refused to think about the fact in a few days he would go back to Harvard, leaving her alone to deal with a divorce and a teenage girl.

Jamie was not Joe, no one could ever be like him, but he was Nicky's favourite uncle, and he seemed to have infinite patience with her, even in these stressful days.

"I miss Joe" she whispered, certain he would understand it wasn't a critic to Danny and him "He always knew what to do, he was helping me sorting out my feeling for Jack and how to move on"

"We are not him, but we will do our best, I promise"

"You know… I just hoped… he would be here today. I know he said immediately he wouldn't, but... "

"I know"

"I hoped, like an idiot, until this morning. I'm still hoping" she admitted quietly, almost ashamed of not being able to control her own mind.

"It's okay, sis. It's okay"

"It's not, Jamie!" she finally lost it "It's not okay my husband is not here for my brother funerals. It's not okay my daughter's father is not here to sleep with her! She is scared, and lost… and he didn't even call to know how we are doing!" Erin cried and suddenly she bursted into tears. "Danny was right! I should have insisted for him to use a condom!"

"No. No. No. Ehy. Ehy. Nicky is amazing. Maybe you didn't want her, but she is the best gift you gave yourself and us. We all love that pest"

"I should not have married him"

"That's something I feel like to agree" he conceded.

"Danny was right."

"Erin… you did nothing wrong. You loved him, you loved each other, and you decided to have a family together. It didn't work. That's okay, sis. We are still a family. We are your family, and we'll always be, married or not."

Erin nodded, her face hidden onto his brother's shoulder. She realized he was right, she just felt kind of wrong. Nobody had never divorced into her family. Reagans were always proud to say once they married, it was forever.

Joe used to say the same as Jamie, those two were too much similar sometimes, but, for some kind of reason, she could feel as safe as when Joe were with her, and she felt terrible, because he was doing his best to comfort her. maybe it was because she knew in a few days he would be back to his life.

She took a little bit more time, she allowed herself, for once, to just lay into Jamie's arm, feeling secure and protected. She was so tired of pretending everything was okay.

"I'll take care of Nicky these days" Jamie promised in a soft voice, and she just nodded. She had started crying again, but she didn't care. Jamie would understand.

()()()()()

Jamie had always thought Danny was the strong one, among them. Maybe because he was the eldest, or looked like the strong one.

He never, never, never thought about Erin.

He never thought about how hard it would be to be on the verge of a divorce and make anything in her power to pretend everything was good, that she and Jack were just having usual family arguments.

He never really thought about she having to tell, alone, her daughter, her uncle was shot and died.

Still, she thought about each one of them, offering her house when Frank ordered them to stay together, brought breakfast to dad and pop and arranged the funerals all by herself when she realized dad was in no shape to do that.

And now, it was finally her turn to breakdown. Jamiel just held her tight, promising and meaning it, to not leave her and Nicky alone. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced he should not return to harvard. He had just one more exam to do before his graduation, and everything else was already settled. He could just study at home, on his mother or Erin's books, and go back for the exam and, after that, the graduation ceremony. Danny was right, he had to finish law school; it was so close and he invested so much in terms of time and money, he just had to. Still, he wasn't looking for any internship, nor in NYC or everywhere else. He had offers, for sure, but he couldn't say he had taken them into any consideration.

"I'll stay, Erin, I promise. You are not alone.

()()()()()

Frank had always loved the blue police uniform.

Since he was a kid, his father's uniform attracted him like a magnet, to a point his mother made a police uniform costume which he used any time he could, and it got adjusted as he grew up, until it was replaced by a second, and a third, up until he reached the age to wear his own real one.

Unlike Dany and Joe, who loved to be cops but less the uniform, he didn't mind wearing it when protocol demanded it, as Henry did even if he retired.

On normal days, he was proud to wear it.

Funerals weren't normal days.

He hated putting his suit on for funerals.

Today, he hated anything related to it.

He knew something like this could happen any time to joe, Danny, himself, and even Erin. It was part of the job they chose, and they all accepted the risks.

Still, no father should ever attend his son funerals.

He dressed slowly, slower than necessary, but a lot of things were passing through his mind. His gaze went to his wife's picture he had on the dresser of his bedroom. She looked younger, and happy, right before her cancer diagnosis.

Frank remembered that day, it was around Easter: Danny, Erin, Joe and Jamie insisted to organize a Sunday lunch at Great Hill at Central park. It was near hers and Danny's birthday, and they wanted to celebrate differently this year.

The kids thought about everything, from groceries, to the birthday cake, passing through game cards and balls to entertain the youngest of their families.

For once, there were no moral questions, no case-related arguments. Nothing. Just the Reagans, a normal enlarged family spending a happy day in Central Park.

The boys and the children plus Erin played all together while he, Mary and Henry watched and laughed, specially when Joe and Danny tackled Jamie with the only purpose of tickling him till he could barely breathe.

Frank smiled and cried at the same time as he remembered that day.

After a few weeks, Mary was diagnosed with cancer, and everything kind of went to hell after that.

Frank thought he would never suffer as much again after all his wife illness and death, but losing Joe, like that, so unexpectedly and abruptly, Frank was just devastated.

"You ready?" Henry's voice came to him soft and sorrow.

"As ready as I could possibly ever be" he responded laconically, maybe harsher than he intended, but who could a father been defined ready in such a day?

Henry's gaze went to the same picture Frank was looking at.

"What a day" he smiled "What had to force your boys back home… worst than the actual children"

Frank found himself smiling.

Yeah, that day Jamie, Joe and Danny were totally worse than their own children. It was the last time he enjoyed his descendants play like kids on the grass, dirty knees and clothes included.

"Everything was so different…"

"Yeah" Henry agree "Did you prepare a speech?"

Frank shook his head. He knew he had to talk, it was his duty as PC and father. He didn't like prepared speeches, he did that only when in was strictly necessary, which basically meant when his attitude, so similar to Danny's one, could cause more troubles than good.

"I never prepare speeches for… these situations. I've tried… but… I think I will go by heart"

"When is the press conference?"

"Half an hour, right before the funerals"

"Will the media be present?"

"No" Frank blurted out "I demanded the funeral without cameras. Still, I had to give up for the End of Watch Call"

The death of a police officer always attracted mass media, with usually public funerals and images of the ceremony shown into the news. When the police officer was also the PC's son, everything was multiplied by ten. Luckily, Frank had been able to stem the media invasion, so that he could guarantee his family and friends the more than deserved privacy to mourn Joe.

Henry just nodded, then hugged his son.

"The day you told me you were joining the police, I prayed all night not to live a moment like this. I never imagined it could happen to my nephew, and my son" he whispered, with tears in his eyes.

He didn't have enough words to comfort his son, no one would. Henry just tried to be there for Frank and the children. He didn't agree with Frank when he sent those three at home together, but he didn't argue. If Francis wanted like that, he would just let him be.

"It's time to go" Frank whispered.

()()()()()

Renzulli met him at the back entrance of the press conference room. He was already there, along with Maria, Joe's partner. She looked totally out of place, and Frank couldn't really blame her.

He knew she barely shown up for condolences at their home, but he wasn't angry with her, Each one had his own way of copying, and losing your partner could be devastating, he well knew that.

Frank remembered when he lost a colleague in a shooting. He wasn't his partner, just another cop who joined as backup upon their request. He passed a whole month waking up after dreaming he was the one shot, and on the job he always feared something would happen, leaving Mary with two young children to raise alone.

He couldn't even imagine what losing a partner could bring up.

He shook her stretched hand, before pulling her in a brief hug; he noticed a pink streak of her hair slipped from the bum he had under her hat. Before anyone could see it, he moved it under the cap, whit a small smile.

Colored hair were technically prohibited in the NYPD, but as long as they kept it so that they go unnoticed, Frank didn't mind.

She managed a soft smile at the gesture.

"How are you, Maria?"

He whispered.

She shrugged, not exactly knowing what to say

"I miss Joe" the girl finally articulated "And… I keep asking… why just him… why not me…"

"Joe would never ear you say such a thing, Maria" Frank hugged her again "And, as much as I am in pain, I'm grateful mine is the only family who lost a son the other night".

The young woman nodded slightly, and Frank decided she deserved a little bit of insight. "I know you might think I would prefer you would be the one who died, but the truth is… I don't. I feel responsible for each one of my officer, for you, a little bit more, since you are my son's partner. I'm glad you are okay, Maria" and everyone in the room could almost physically feel how sincere he was in that moment. Surely, Maria did, because she smiled, for the first time in days.

"I'm going to be the best cop I can be, to honor Joe's memory. Thank you, Commissioner"

"Frank"

"Thank you, Frank"

"No, thank you, Maria".

()()()()()

"As New York police commissioner, I care about each one of the 35 thousand officers under my command"Frank started the press conference, his voice steady and full of authority "Each one of you, and with you I mean every agent, know, as well as I do, th risk we accept when we start our career as police officers, no matter where this would lead us.

We all know, the risks are not over when we leave the patrol for a Detective, or a Sergeant position. When you apply for Academy and your Grandfather, Father and Older brother are police officers, you know the risks more than any other of your future colleagues; Joe, surely did. He did, but he never looked back; he never second guessed his decision.

He put his life at risk everyday, along with all the other 35 thousand police officers that try to make New York a safer place for everyone.

Two days ago, he was doing his job, when the criminal they were pursuing shot him.

The NYPD lost a valuable Detective, a loyal friend, a great cop.

The 12th precinct, and all the NYPD, will miss Joe.

To his family, to his friends and colleagues, our deepest condolences"

Frank left the stage before anyone could ask him question.

He had tried to act as if any other agent had died, but he just couldn't. It was his son.

He wanted him back so bad it hurt.

()()()()()

Garret followed Frank closely, for once without any comment regarding his speech.

The speech was, to him, kind of strange. Externally, Frank had looked perfect, professional, the voice steady. Still, there was something in it Garret noticed, who sent him on the edge of acting if something happened.

By the end of the conference, the inflection he heard at the beginning was taking the upper hand, and Frank must knew it, because he ended quickly, leaving the room way faster than needed, considering the "no question" rule they set for these occasions.

Garret acted quickly when he realized his boss and friend was going to throw up, or cry, or both. He shot the door and went by his side, without touching him.

He knew Frank was a stoic and independent person, and he didn't want to invade his personal space.

He was completely taken aback by the Commissioner sudden breakdown.

_Thank you for reading!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N**__: sso, okay. I said the 6th would be the last chapter. Guess what? It's not. I swear I'm not doing that on purpose... _

_Thanks to everyone who is reading this. Can't wait to know what do you think!_

_Happy reading and stay safe! I'm never going to stop saying this. We learnt it the hard way. _

_STAY AT HOME if you can. STAY SAFE!_

It was a good ceremony, no one could deny that.

Bagpipes tore everyone in tears, and the memories Maria and Renzulli shared make them cry and laugh at the same time.

Nicky, as the eldest of Joe's nephews, managed to say a few words about how much they loved him.

Jamie was truly impressed by her self control, recognizing one more time Erin's strength in her. She would become an amazing woman like her mother.

Henry spoke for all his family, while Danny, Erin and Jamie decided to stay quiet, silently supporting Danny, who was bracing himself for the End of Watch ceremony.

He had shared with the brothers the paper Renzulli gave to him, with all the steps written down, and they even practiced together, just to be sure.

Of course, it wasn't' the first time they attended or watched the ceremony, but it was quite different today.

The mass concluded with the coffin blessing by the Father, and everyone gathered around on the Church parvise.

Six men, including Jamie, Danny and Erin, brough Joe on their shoulder to the car who would accompany him to his last journey.

The parvise was full of cops. Of course, the entire 12th was there, but also representative for each one of Manhattan precinct, and a few from all around New York, reminding all of them, that even the Commissioner's children could die in the line of duty.

Bagpipes stopped as Renzulli approached Danny with a portable radio. Maria placed Joe's radio on the now closed coffin, wrapped in the NYPD and US flags.

Jamie physically felt Danny's body going tense and almost casually his hand brushed his brother's, a mute support. He glanced at him, and he didn't really like what he was seeing. His eyes went to Renzulli, signaling him without a word to wait a little bit more.

They weren't in front of everyone, since the call should sound coming from the precinct, and that guaranteed some privacy from both family and colleagues. This was good because the sudden lack of any kind of motion of his brother was worryingly.

()()()()()

Renzulli just nodded, respecting Jamie's signal.

He could not miss the mixture of Frank'd and Danny's demeanor in the jungest of the Reagan, as Joe's words about him echoed into his mind.

His officer always said Jamie would be the best cop of NY, if he only found the courage to do what he wanted instead of what others expected from him, and now Renzulli could totally see why.

There weren't many men who could stop him with only one gaze, but Jamie just did.

He wasn't threatening or arrogant, not at all; just, everything told him to just stop where he was.

And he found himself obliging.

Ho looked at Jamie, who was now speaking calmly into Danny's ear.

The Sergeant focused on the eldest.

He had seen Danny in a lot of moods during the years, starting from the days he was a rookie at the 12th, under his command.

He was there when he got the call his mom would die in a few hours.

He was the one who cleaned up the mess his outburst had left behind when he hung up the phone and just destroyed the locker room, and Renzulli managed to stop him before he could hurt himself too.

He was there when he had to take him to the hospital because his dad got shot and Danny broke his hand against a wall with a punch.

Now, Danny seemed simply… turned off.

Tears were running down his cheeks as Jamie held him and kept whispering something right into his ears, but he wasn't moving at all.

Danny was totally unable to stay still more than fifteen seconds straight even in a good day. If he was nervous or angry, he could drive a Saint to swear for how much he paced, hitting anything and yelling.

Even when he killed his first man, he made EMT worry about his status, since he kept pacing and talking about the case.

Renzulli looked at Danny's eyes, and he could tell he as more than in full shock.

He tried to reach for him, but, again, as if the kid got eyes on his back, Jamie stopped him.

()()()()()

So far, everything had gone smoothly, but now, Jamie had to deal with a total unexpected shut down from Danny.

His brother looked totally unresponsive, he barely breathed, his eyes wide open but without the usual spark of life in there.

Jamie tried to held him, to whisper him he could do that, but no feedback came from him. He stopped, again, Renzulli, who was approaching for a second time, and looked for Erin.

Being one of those who held the coffin, she remained close to them. She caught his gaze and came closer.

"What's up?" she whispered.

Jamie just nodded toward their brother.

"He's not responding"

"At all?"

"At all"

Erin slowly took Danny's hand, noticing it was cold and sweat.

"Danny? It's okay." she whispered in her sweetest voice, the one she used with Nicky when she was little and she woke up for a nightmare "You don't have to do this, remember? You do not have to do anything you don't want to"

"Kid" Jamie turned without thinking as he heard Renzulli's low voice. "I was talking to your brother, Jamie" the older man smiled as he got closer to the three Reagans. "Kid" Renzulli sounded now more commanding.

"I… I… I… can't"

"Okay… Okay… we got you Danny. We got you" Jamie responded quickly, than looked at Renzulli. "I'll do that"

"You are not a cop"

"I will be next year"

()()()()()

Wait.

What?

Did just Jamie said... what?

"What?" she asked "Are you nut?"

"I'm not"

"Are you two really arguing about that right now?" Renzulli went practical. He handed the radio to Jamie. "Do it, kid"

"Do you remember what to say?" Ering asked, amazed but supporting him. She always knew Jamie didn't really want to be a lawyer, and so did Joe.

The younger nodded, he had always had good memory.

Erin put both her hands on his shoulders, her high heels made her taller than him, in a mute support. He was tense, but managed a smile.

"Your first dispatch call, officer Reagan" she whispered into his ear, while she moved her arms, hugging him from behind. Jamie would be a great cop, maybe even better than Frank or Henry. Plus, he studied law.

Jamie nodded, then pressed the call button.

"Badge 4-6-8-0-8. Central dispatch."

()()()()()

There were very few things who could catch Frank off guard, but hearing Jamie's voice on the police radio was definitely one of them.

What the hell happened? Was Danny alright?

He was already going to move, acting by pure instinct, when both Garrets and Backer stopped him. He was the Commissioner, he could not do that.

Frank looked at his dad, who shook his head. Linda looked as amazed and worried as they all were, but he understood if he or Henry moved, Linda and the children were going to panic.

Whatever happened, there would be time for explanations later.

Jamie's voice broke the silence with a second radio call.

"Badge 4-6-8-0-8. Central dispatch." he sounded real, professional.

A full minute passed before Jamie called the next few lines.

The hardest to say.

The hardest to hear.

()()()()()

As he spoke the first call, Jamie finally felt Danny move, passing his arm around his back. He turned towards and mouthed "You okay?". He shook his head, no, but he moved closer to Jamie, as Erin shifted her left hand to Danny's side, holding them both, her chin on both his shoulders.

Jamie felt as if he was the one using his voice, but each one of them was calling him.

He called the second call, and let the silence answering him.

He knew he should notify the no response from Joe, but he just couldn't.

His voice was slightly shaking as he called, one more time.

"Detective Joe Reagan. Central dispatch".

()()()()()

Renzulli remembered those four kids as they were young, when the annual police department picnic took place. They simply couldn't get along for more than 20 minutes.

He remembered all the things Danny used to say about them, how he couldn't not stand Erin's way of thinking (and working), and he could recall each time Joe sat silent in the car because of Sunday Lunch full of arguments who left him grumpy.

Still, now he watched how Erin, Jamie and Danny stood together, as physically close as they could be, as if they created their own personal shield.

He felt his eyes sting, and he wasn't sure it was because of Joe, this time.

()()()()()

Jamie waited.

No response.

The silence was deafening. No one was event breathing, the cops standing at attention, the civilian just watching the ceremony.

He opened his mouth twice, but words didn't come.

Renzulli got closer, but Jamie shook his head. He had started this; he would finish.

He gathered his voice and his strength from his brothers.

"Negative response from badge 4-6-8-0-8."

He stopped again, and when he talked, his voice was shaking with emotion barely contained.

"10-42. Detective Joseph Connor Reagan, badge 4-6-8-0-8. End of Watch on May, 15, 2009"

He looked at Renzulli, who mouthed he could say something else, if he wanted.

"Rest in peace, Detective" he added "You've been an honorable man, a loyal partner, and we thank you for your service.

Your brothers in blue will take over your watch from here. Rest in peace, our beloved brother"

Jamie ended the call and just melted into his brothers arms, his attention fully on Danny. He barely noticed Renzulli patting his back and saying him he did a good job.

"Danny?"

"I'm here, kid. Sorry, I scared you"

"Scared does not even cover it" Erin answered him as she and Jamie squeezed him into a double hug,

"It's just… I don't know"

"It's okay, Danny. We got you" Jamie reassured him. There was no need for explanation. Each one of them had broken down somehow… nothing strange Danny did it right before the final goodbye. Danny had always been the kind of person who truly realized when he was right in front of the situation, and the end of watch Ceremony was the hardest things cops had to face during a fellow's funeral.

"You did good, kid" Danny whispered.

"Did you know he wants to be a cop?" Erin inquired Danny

"It's not the time…"

"It is, Jamieson" she interrupted with what he called the mom stare. "Who else knows?"

"No one" he answered, sincerely. "Before today, I wasn't sure myself. I just talked to Danny about the possibility I was doing the wrong choice being a lawyer"

"And you talked to Mr. I hate lawyers?"

"I didn't ask… I just… needed to talk and clear my head. I think… the decision was just there, somewhere in my mind"

"Dad! Daddy" Sean and Jack ran in that moment toward Danny, followed suit by a more than worried Linda.

Jamie and Erin stepped back, giving them space and exchanging a look that said 'we'll talk again later'.

()()()()()

Danny found himself in his family arms, and that was the final step to ground him back to reality. He just stayed there, in the middle between his wife and his children, breathing deeply and letting their love do the rest.

He wasn't crying anymore, he just felt as if a tiny part of his heart, but not less important, had just died after a long and painful agony as Jamie pronounced the first words.

Now, he knew he could go on, somehow, with his family.

()()()()()

Erin spotted Renzulli come closer to Jamie, who still held the radio, and their parents coming toward them at the same time, now that the car moved to the cemetery where they would bury Joe, next to their mother.

She moved fast but making it sound casually, She outstretched her hand

"Thanks for letting Jamie take Danny's place" she said out loud, then she whispered "Keep quiet about Jamie. No one knows"

"I think no one will complain, How's Danny?"

"He is doing better, his family is helping him" Erin walked with him where Jamie was holding a crying Nicky.

The boy was holding her with one arm, as he gave back the radio to Renzulli.

"Thank you" he said, then pulled Erin into the hug. "Let's go, they are waiting for us" he whispered.

()()()()()

Frank was on the edge, waiting the moment Linda and the kids would allow him to just hold his eldest son.

He didn't know what happened to him, he didn't really care. He just wanted to do what he'd had if his team had not prevented him to do.

Eventually, Linda and the kids released him. They went on to the car that would take them to the cemetery, spotting he was there, so that father and son could have a moment together.

Danny just looked lost at his dad, his eyes red still red and so full of sorrow and regret, the only thing he could do was just wrap him into a bear hug.  
"I-I-I'm sorry, dad" he jabbered, his voice shaken "I - w-was su-supposed to… to… p-protect h-him…" Frank held him tight, knowing that nothing he could say would convince Danny Joe's death was not his fault, that he actually moved him into another precinct because he feared Danny would kill himself sooner than later trying to protect his brother (and mostly because he found out Danny always took Joe's shift, using the same surname as an excuse). "I… I...l...let him… took… my… my place"

What? That was new.

"What are you saying, Danny?"

"He… he… is… isn't… even… a cop… yet"

Okay, now Frank was confused.

"Who, Daniel?"

"J...Jamie"

Oh.

So, he was talking about him missing the ceremony.

"It's Okay, Danny. It's okay… Jamie did great. You three all did. You were there supporting each other. That's all I ask to my children."

Frank hadn't moved from his position, but looking at the corner where he knew Jamie and Danny would be (because Jamie had been loud and clear about not letting Danny alone in this), he got the chance to spot his children just as Jamie was saying his last words for Joe.

It was so proud of them he almost cried.

"B-b-But you… a- always said… I… I'm… su-supposed to…"

Frank kissed Danny's forehead, trying to be as sweet as he could. He didn't care he was in public, his son was quite messed up and needed his love.

"Danny, Danny. Look at me. Look at me" When the man obliged, Frank started talking "It's okay. You are still supposed to take care of them, but now they are grown up too, and it's okay if they are the ones taking care of you. Actually, I couldn't be more proud of you all." He whispered "Understood?" he finished with one of his warmest smile

Danny just nodded, not trusting his own voice.

Frank passed and arm around his shoulder and accompanied him to his car, where Linda and the boys were waiting for him.

It was only when he was into his black SUV with Henry that Danny's words stuck him.

_He isn't even a cop… yet._

"What? Who?"

He didn't realized he mumbled the sentence out loud, until Garret asked him the question. He looked up at his team and dad, who was riding with him being the former PC. Of course, he preferred to be with his family, but, being the PC at a cop funerals was still rinsky, and even if the cop was his son, he should follow protocol.

Henry looked at him.

"Was he talking about Jamie?"

Frank just nodded.

"Do you think…"

"I don't know, dad. He was out of his mind, talking nonsense… I just… don't know"

"Well, I think we will just to wait and see" Garret interrupted the wondering. He could feel Frank was not ready to think about his youngest son becoming a cop.

()()()()()

When finally Joe was buried, Jamie almost sighed in relief.

He had driven to the cemetery with Erin and Nicky, who really couldn't stop crying into his shoulder as he was driving.

Taking her out of the car had been a real challenge. If the funeral had been difficult for her, the End of watch ceremony had totally broken the poor kid, and now she had actually kicked Jamie and Erin who were trying to scoop her out from the car.

Eventually, they promised her she could keep her eyes closed, so that she could avoid seeing the coffin being buried.

Jamie ended up with Nicki's face pressed into his stomach, her fingers grasping his jacket onto his back for dear life. He hugged her with one arm, while his other hand remained between his hair, ensuring her she could stay right there as much as she wanted.

He looked at Danny's kids, who were not any better. Danny had scoped up Sean, who was crying into his shoulder, while Jack was hidden behind his back, eyes shut and forehead pressed into his dad's back.

The three brothers and Linda shared a compassionate look. They were just children, after all.

Erin couldn't resist any longer; as the coffin went down, she just run hug her father; she needed him as much as he needed her right now.

The two just stayed together all the while, giving the last goodbye to Joe.

When everything was finally over, they all landed into Frank's house, where they all collapsed into couches and armchair in front of the fireplace.

No one really wanted to talk, right now, not even the kids, who fell asleep not much later, spread above parents and uncles.

The adults just enjoyed the silence and the quiet after these days full of sorrow and events.

"Ehy, I was thinking" Danny eventually broke the silence, a sad smile on his face "do you remember when we went to campfire? The first with only the four of us?"

"Yeah" Erin nodded "Dad should have come along with pop, but he got a very huge case and pop the flu"

"Joe convinced us you could go alone, for once, and that Jamie could come too" Frank smiled.

"Yeah… and you lost me!" Jamie complained.

"You scared the hell out of us, kid" Danny replied "Joe was the one who helped us not to panic. He took me out in the middle of the night, looking for you, while Erin stayed at home in case you returned by your own"

"Where were you, Uncle Jamie?" A still sleepy Nicky asked. She had woken up and listened to the story almost from the beginning.

"I slipped on the mug and fell. My ankle hurt so bad I couldn't walk. I tried to call them, but they didn't hear me"

"They brought him home by sunrise. He was frozen to his bone, but wouldn't let go of Joe, so they ended up together in the same sleeping back right beside the fire, while me and uncle Danny tried to came up with a good explanation for mom and dad and not to be killed"

"How old were you?"

"I was 10, Uncle Danny 20, your mom was 18 and Joe 16"

"So? How did it end?" Nicky pressed. She loved to hear stories from their childhood, and his one was brand new!

"Somehow, Danny convinced me to call dad and say I had so much fun I wanted to spend a more few Days with him instead of going home" Jamie laughed

"To be honest, Joe predicted it wouldn't work" Erin precised, smiling.

"Yeah, not my best idea" Danny agreed "NOW, I know that"

"I found out as soon as I looked Jamie into his eyes, plus he was still limping on Sunday."

"He grounded us for ages!" Ein laughed, as everyone else did.

It all came quite natural, after that. They remembered Joe all night long, even after Nicky went back sleeping cuddled against Jamie's side.

It was soothing, just remember Joe as their brother, friend, and partner in crime. When they all left Frank's home, it was almost 6am, but their souls were rested as they slept 8 hours straight.

Once back to Erin's house, Jamie just passed out on Nicky's bed, without even changing from his clothes, his niece sound asleep next to him.

()()()()()

Erin smiled, remembering how many times the little Jamie had fallen asleep just like that on the sofa, and how many times mom or dad found he and Joe where they left them the night before.

She turned the light off and went to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: so, here we are. Last chapter. Yep. For real this time. I'm planning another FF for blue bloods, so stay tuned! _

_First of all, I'd like to point out a couple of answer for review I got but I couldn't answer as a PM_

_\- The initial chapter, yes, I had problem with the upload, doc manager did a mess of the chapter, and I had to remove it and post the whole document again, sorry for that!_

_\- The nephew/niece question about NIcky. No, she is still a girl, but I included Nicky, Sean and Jack into that word, since she is the eldest among the three. That's why I used the masculine words. I could made a better sentence, more clear, but I hope this explanation is clear_

_For everyone else who reviewed my story, thank you, really. I really appreciated each one of your comments!_

_Once again, STAY SAFE. STAY AT HOME, and read as much as you can :P_

_Thank you for reading so far. Se you on my next story! (I hope!)_

Frank couldn't sleep.

He knew Danny wasn't quite himself when they spoke that afternoon, but he couldn't stop thinking about that sentence.

_He isn't even a cop… yet._

In any other moment of his life, he couldn't have been more happy if Jamie announced he wanted to become a cop. He would be worried, of course; he would ask if he was sure after all the years into law school, but he would also be damn proud.

That would be until two days ago.

Right now, he was barely restrain himself from finding something, anything, who could get Danny fired, just to ensure he would be safe.

Eventually e got up from his bed and went to the kitchen.

"Thinking about Jamie becoming a cop?"

Henry's voice came from the stairs, as he poured himself a coffee.

"We are not sure Danny meant that" he reminded, hoping to sound convinced.

"That kid never wanted to be a lawyer, and you know that" Henry scolded his son "He went that road because you and Mary wanted him to be safe. I'm not saying it's your fault, just that Jamie has always been the guy who tried to please everyone, and that Mary's illness maybe influenced his choice" He continued before Frank could interrupt him.

Frank knew he was right, deep down, he always thought quite the same, but he had just buried a son because of this job, and he didn't want the others to join him before their time.

"Francis…"

"We. Are. Not. Sure."

()()()()()

Jamie woke up with the small of bacon, eggs and pancakes coming from downstairs. He looked at his watch; it was well passed midday, but he didn't really care. Careful not to wake Nicky up, he grabbed a pair of sweatpants, his Harvard dark red hoodie and a t-shirt that he was not so sure was his or Danny's and directed himself for a long shower before join Erin and her questioning. Yesterday he didn't miss the glance his sister gave him when they have been forced to interrupt their talking, and the ride to the cemetery, with Nicky with a full scale hysterical crisis had not been the right place or moment; but now they were alone, and Jamie knew he could not escape this.

"Good morning"

"Good Morning, officer Reagan"

"May I at least have a coffee first?" he chuckled.

"I'm not sure Danny would let you have it"

"Are you taking Danny as an example, now?" Jamie inquired as he took a mug and filled it with fresh hot coffee. Erin was still into her pajamas, a light blue one he had gifted her for her last birthday, her hair still a mess after the morning sleep. He poured her a second one.

"You took him when you asked his advice, why can't I?" she retorted.

"Wait" he stopped her "That is the problem? That I talked to Danny before you?"

"Of course not" she eventually smiled "I was just surprised… and, your statement, yesterday… right in front of Renzulli, floored me"

"I didn't want you to know it like that… I'm sorry… I was just…"

"Protecting Danny. I would have done the same. Even in front dad"

"I did you know I wasn't making it up?"

"You are physically unable to lie, kid"

Okay, that was kind of true. He was like that since he was a kid. There was no way he could keep something hidden to them, and that, usually, led to Danny or his brothers grounded more than once.

"So… NYPD?" Erin asked, and Jamie just nodded, a shy smile on his face.

"I have no idea how to tell dad" he admitted after a moment of silence.

()()()()()

Erin nodded, not really envying her brother in that moment.

In any other day, Frank would probably be the proudest of tha dads; the police department was all his life (beside family, of course), and she remembered quite well the moment Danny decided to enroll after his return from Iraq. He was worried, but totally proud and happy.

Right now, so soon after Joe, she bet his reaction would not be so enthusiastic.

Probably, the moment Jamie would graduate from the Academy, he would be, they all would, but right now, she had to admit that, as much as she wanted to support him, and she also kind of admired him right now for his choice, she was scared.

Danny was now a detective, as Joe was, but she could recall and describe each time her brothers were shot at, or got assaulted, during their patrols years, and no, se definitely wasn't ready for start everything again; plus, she was not so convinced Jamie would go the detective road, anyway. Surely, he had what it took to get the third Reagan to become Police Commissioner, probably the greatest.

"You can't just drop it at Sunday dinner like Danny did" she said, stating the obvious "You could, maybe… talk to him, privately. Without pop around"

"I don't want him to be the last to know it, you know how pop is"

"That's why I'm telling you to talk to dad alone. So that he can show his reaction without being judged"

"Pop doesn't judged him"

"You know what I mean"

()()()()()

Of course Jamie knew what Erin meant. He still remembered how pop reacted to Frank's proud when he announced he wanted to go to law school.

Erin was right. He had to talk to his dad alone, so that he could react as he wanted, without Henry getting in the middle.

"The others, I will tell on Sunday" he decided "Thanks, Erin"

"Anytime, officer Reagan"

"Careful" he warned, looking up, remembering her they weren't alone. Not that he didn't want Nicky to know it, but giving how much she was suffering because of Joe, he didn't want her to discover the new by chance. It would be too traumatic.

()()()()()

Jamie waited a couple of days, in which he sorted things out with what remained to do for his Harvard graduation and the bar exam, so that he could complete what he had started and not threw away all the money he spent for that, and he also gathered all the documents and information needed for the Academy application.

He also filled all the modules, still, he didn't consign them. He was sure as soon as he did, someone would call his dad to congratulate or to ask what to do with him, so he decided to pass by the application office only once he had talked to him.

On thursday morning he was in Erin's kitchen preparing breakfast since 5.45 am, unable to sleep for the apprehension. He didn't really know what to expect from his dad, and he just couldn't stay in bed anymore.

"Uh-oh, someone here is nervous" Erin greeted him with a sweet smile. She knew today was the day. His phone ringing spared him to answer her.

"Reagan" he picked up.

"Ehy, kid. You ready?" Danny, of course. The night before he told him he would finally talk to Frank, and now he was just checking-in with him.

"As ready as I can be"

"He's not!" Erin called out "He made breakfast for everyone, and I heard him shower before 6"

"Thanks, Erin"

"Kid" Danny called "It will be alright. Just keep calm, okay? Call me if you need"

"Thanks, Danny. Say hi to Linda and the kids"

"Copy that"

"See you later, kid. Erin, I hope not see you later"

"Then do your job by the books" she chuckled. "Have a nice day"

"You too guys. I love you"

Danny hang up before they could answer him or mocking him. The usual Danny.

Jamie dropped Nicky at school and drove directly to 1PP; there was no reason to delay any longer, plus, anxiety was devouring him to the point his niece asked if she should call 911.

He parked his car and just stayed there for about an hour, engine turned off, but his hands both grasping the handwheel.

()()()()()

Backer knocked to his door, before entering and announcing Jamie was there and asking if he could meet him.

Frank nodded, somehow relieved.

His son's car parked for more than an hour right under his office had not gone unnoticed from both him and his security men, but he insisted they left him alone, giving Jamie the time he needed.

As much as he was sure this was the confirmation he needed regarding Danny's statement, he knew Jamie, being Jamie, was probably looking the way to not hurt him in such a moment.

Frank just hoped he could show him just proud and support, although he was not sure he would succeed; he was sleeping only few hours per night, and when he did, he usually had nightmares about Danny and Jamie being shot; anyone into his office noticed how tired he was and tried their best to avoid him as much of his job as they could, but he still was the police Commissioner, and there were things he could not delegate, no matter how good his team was, and he was proud to say he had an excellent one.

"Let him in" he smiled.

As Jamie entered his office, just looking at him he knew all he had to know. Jamie's hand were shaking, and his son took his time to look everywhere but him.

Frank made him sit on the larger couch and handed him a cup of coffee, waiting for him to calm down and talk.

"Everything okay, Jamie?" he asked, softly, when the boy didn't give any sign of talking.

"Y...eah… s...sorry"

"It's okay, Jamie. I already know" Frank decided to cut short, mostly because he couldn't stand seeing Jamie like that, like he was trying to confess him he had disappointed him.

Jamie's head snapped up

"You what?"

Frank remained silent for a second, thinking how to report Danny's statement without getting him angry with his brother.

"After the End of watch ceremony, right before going to the cemetery, I managed a few minutes with Danny… he was kind of… upset"

"Upset doesn't cover it" Jamie clarified "Erin and I almost got and heart attack seeing him like that. He wasn't moving… or responding. I'm sorry Renzulli knew it before you did, but he was trying to say I couldn't Danny's place because I am not a cop"

"Renzulli knows?" that's was new even for him.

"Didn't he tell you?" Jamie sounded surprised.

"No…"

"Oh... " Wait, if Renzulli didn't, and he was quite sure Erin didn't either… that left… "Danny?"

"Not willingly" Frank tried to calm the raising anger into his young son "As I was saying, when I could finally reach him to check he was okay, he was kind of upset. He kept repeating he was sorry, that he disappointed me, that he hadn't protect his brother. He was so out I thought he was talking about Joe until he said something he had even less sense than the rest."

"What… what did he say?" Jamie asked, his anger subdue by worry. He had no idea Danny had a second breakdown.

"He isn't even a cop… yet."

"He thought he had not protected _me_?"

Frank nodded, something like a grin on his lips. He recognized disbelief and his own surprise in Jamie's words and face expression.

"According to him, you taking his place was his own failure to protect you"

"He was the one keeping all of us sane since the night he drove to Harvard" Jamie objected, "even when I had the panic attack at the morgue, he was the one bringing me back, and I wasn't the only one in front of my brother's body"

"That's why I was thinking he was speaking about Joe, not that that would make any sense, anyway"

"For once, we protected him. Well, I did, Erin supported both of us. I wouldn't be able to go through the ceremony if it wasn't for her and Danny… actually, we kind of supported each other in that moment" Jamie was thinking out loud.

"You did, Jamie" Frank smiled at him proudly. "As I told Danny, you supported and defended each other in one of the most terrible moments we could face, even worse than your mother's death. I could not be more proud of you kids. I was able to see you for a few seconds, as you called the negative response. You were united as one."

"Thanks, dad" Jamie sipped his coffee, not really knowing how to go on from there.

"So… a cop" Frank resumed the original topic. "Are you sure? I mean, after all these years of studying…"

"If I think about defending a perp, I want to vomit" Jamie admitted, for the first time out loud, then, he apparently decided to come clean to himself and his father "I started thinking if I was doing the right thing when we started working on real cases, you know? I kept thinking, what if I got some serial killer release? What if someone else paid because of my job? I started thinking how could I keep looking you, Danny, pop, Joe, and even Erin, into the eyes, after destroying all your work."

"Did you talk with Joe?"

"Yeah. I did. He cleared my head, I think. Also Danny did."

"Danny?" Frank had to admit this was kind of interesting. Danny was a lot of things, but he usually wasn't the first one of the family you thought about regarding receiving advices, specially when it came to lawyers and police officers.

"He told me I could do whatever I wanted, but also that I had to think about my future. And I don't think my future will be in a law firm… and I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier but…"

"... but after Joe you didn't know how to"

Jamie just nodded.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Jamie. Right now… I don't know what to think."

"Dad, I'm not asking your permission. I'm going to deliver all the documents for my application as soon as I get out from here"

"I know, Jamie, and I am proud of you, I mean it. Just… I need time"

"I know, dad" the yougest of the Reagan hugged his dad briefly "I love you"

"When are you going to tell the others?"

"On sunday" Jamie smiled, and Frank just nodded, trying to keep the lump he felt into his throad under control. "You… better going. Application office closes in an hour"

Jamie nodded, as emotional as his dad was right now.

"See you on Sunday, dad"

"I love you, Jamie" Frank smiled, proud openly shown into his eyes and smile


End file.
